Anyway, I am registered with HauteLook a website that sells designer goods at a discount. Sometimes its just the difference between obscene and ridiculous, cost-wise; other times I've snapped up nice things at damn good prices. And then there are sales like this one, which I have to regard as avant guard comedy for the sake of my sanity. Who the hell is Thomas Wylde, and how can he justify charging $385 for a tank top? (Sale price: $134.75.) I scrolled down the page, wincing at eye-searing prints and boggling at ruffled garments that turned a (presumably) sylphlike model into Margaret Dumont, and then I reached the final listing, the text of which I reproduce in its entirety:
CASHMERE SPIDER BLANKET
ORIGINAL RETAIL /
YOUR PRICE / $1375.00 (50% OFF)
Cashmere Spider Blanket
Cashmere throw with spider detail on the center. Tar on one side and gray on the other with contrasting spider color.
4'5" W X 7'4" L
"Spider detail" is fashion speak for "giant spider that takes up the full width and 80% of the length and will probably kill and eat you in your sleep."
In conclusion, if you know anyone that you're willing to spend $1400 on who likes cashmere and has trouble waking up in the morning — you're welcome.