Boy, I hadn't realized how long its been since my last post. There's a lot I want to write about — the fantastic Breadlines and Champagne series at Film Forum, which has me working on a three-week sleep deficit; getting a cookie and an autographed skull-shaped vodka bottle from Dan Ackroyd; my latest ljdq appearances (I'm particularly proud of my Van Gogh joke, which mixes historicity with a refreshing lack of taste) — but right now I wanted to...huh. I'm going to post links, but they probably won't work unless you join the site, and they may only be active for the next 35 hours or so.

Anyway, I am registered with HauteLook a website that sells designer goods at a discount. Sometimes its just the difference between obscene and ridiculous, cost-wise; other times I've snapped up nice things at damn good prices. And then there are sales like this one, which I have to regard as avant guard comedy for the sake of my sanity. Who the hell is Thomas Wylde, and how can he justify charging $385 for a tank top? (Sale price: $134.75.) I scrolled down the page, wincing at eye-searing prints and boggling at ruffled garments that turned a (presumably) sylphlike model into Margaret Dumont, and then I reached the final listing, the text of which I reproduce in its entirety:

CASHMERE SPIDER BLANKET

ORIGINAL RETAIL / $2750.00
YOUR PRICE / $1375.00 (50% OFF)
Cashmere Spider Blanket

Cashmere throw with spider detail on the center. Tar on one side and gray on the other with contrasting spider color.

Measurements:
4'5" W X 7'4" L

Fiber Content:
100% Cashmere

"Spider detail" is fashion speak for "giant spider that takes up the full width and 80% of the length and will probably kill and eat you in your sleep."

In conclusion, if you know anyone that you're willing to spend $1400 on who likes cashmere and has trouble waking up in the morning — you're welcome.