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The Laughing Academy
A Life of Noisy Desperation
More random thoughts on Van Helsing 
29th-Apr-2004 04:01 pm
Steeplechase
• Black and white prologue! Torch-bearing villagers! Kickin’ it old skool, y’all. Word.

• Hugh Jackman is big. Like, seriously large. Just this side of hulking. He makes it work.

• Kate Beckinsale’s primary costume reminded me of Alan Moore’s comment that if he were a superheroine, he’d probably wear lots of layers and comfortable shoes. But at least she has her eyeliner to keep her warm.

• This movie ought to have a “cloud wrangler” credit. I have never seen such convenient weather.

• Lots of well-placed ropes and cables, too.

• For a self-proclaimed heartless, hollow shell, Dracula sure is excitable.

• Green explosions, shapeshifters, and gooey pod things. It’s the SF/Action Hat Trick.

• Can this ending be any less subtle?

• Well, that was like watching a vintage Rolls go into a chop shop and come out a hot rod.
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