Mwah! Best of luck to everyone in the coming solar cycle! I, for one, am starting the year out right: freshly showered, shaved, and well lubricated.

Tomorrow, I plan to ride a vintage subway train dubbed the Centennial Polar Bear Express (not to be confused with the CGI excrescence currently cluttering movie theaters) to Coney Island, there to observe—and possibly participate in—the Polar Bear Club’s annual immersion in the freezing Atlantic.

In the meantime, I’m off to mix a champagne and absinthe cocktail with the bewildering and inappropriate name of Death in the Afternoon and watch Channel 7’s coverage of the Times Square countdown. Cheers!