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The Laughing Academy
A Life of Noisy Desperation
Awesome annex heading of the day 
2nd-Mar-2010 10:49 am
Steeplechase
From Report of the Monitoring Group on Somalia pursuant to Security Council resolution 1853 (2008): "Pirate business model."
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2nd-Mar-2010 05:55 pm (UTC)
CEO Blackbeard calls a meeting of the board.

"What do you have for us today, CFO Redbeard?"
"Well, quarterly pillaging profits are down 16% from last year. However, our overall annual profit margin is still up 8%. This can be traced to July's sacking of Trinidad, which was a jolly good time for all."
"Arrr!"
"Aye!"
"Yarrrr!"
"Aye, that's good, Redbeard. Hook, anything to add?"
"Personnel reports are constant and in line with the market average. Recruitment and shanghai numbers are up to balance our fatality reports from July and August."
"Arrrr..."
"We'll need to get those numbers up. Balance is just a plank's walk away from stagnation. Sparrow? Anything else?"
"Rum supplies are low. Apparently the ships' chirurgeons have taken to using it as anaesthetic and antiseptic. Crew morale is low as a result."
"Issue a memo to all crews. Rum to be limited to consumption only. Any medical usage of rum is to be immediately reported to the executive office for administrative review."
"Aye!"
"Yaaaarrrr!"
"Good. Roberts? Yellowbeard? Silver?"
"All good, sir."
"Excellent. Remember the corporate picnic on board the Black Pearl next Sunday. Family friendly, of course. Also, the no swimming regulation will be lifted effective April First. Meeting adjourned."
"Ayyyeee!"
"Yaaarrrr!"
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